Marriage joins two lives seamlessly, making two distinct individuals into one superbly functioning unit. So says my Big Book of Fairy Tales. In sad reality, however, a high percentage of marriages today end in divorces. Too many of those divorces come about because of money fights. Radio spokesperson Dave Ramsey frequently states that our spending habits reveal our values, so these fights center not so much on the cash as what it shows about our priorities. With this in mind, I must wonder why so many couples today seek to overextend themselves on the first two purchases most marriages require. The first item traditionally purchased before a marriage is the engagement ring. Television shows and commercials add to the pressure if you dont get the right ring, you may just lose the girl. As a woman, I can only imagine the stress involved in purchasing a ring. I can tell you, however, that whatever ring my not-yet-fiance picked out would have been perfect, because it symbolized that fact that he wanted to be with me forever. Three months after we were married, however, I discovered that he had borrowed money from his uncle to obtain the ring. Barely married, already struggling to fit our lives together, we had an enormous expenditure to pay off. I might add that, five and a half years later, we still havent gotten rid of it. That money is a constant source of stress because while my husbands uncle forgave the debt, his aunt was not excited. Thus we still struggle to pay off that debt. Long, long ago, back when my grandmother was young, men worked hard to save enough money to purchase the ring. Not only does this ease the later financial burden, it also gives the couple time to work together, take premaritial counseling, and generally be certain that the relationship fits. Marriage should be a lifelong commitment. Nowadays, it seems to be a game of spin the spouse, with many being married four times! The time it takes to save for the ring can be invested into your relationship, rather than charging said ring and rushing into marriage. No matter how great your relationship is, marriage will change it, and the more time you take to smooth that change, the better. The next major expenditure a couple undertakes is a wedding. In a perfect world, the brides well-to-do parents would have saved for years to give their daughter the wedding she always dreamed of. In reality, Americans dont know how to save, and so how do we pay for most things? With credit. I would not be surprised to find that most weddings go, in part, on someones credit card. Perhaps the bride and grooms, perhaps the parents. Weddings have become highly overrated, in my opinion. Despite popular seeming opinion, the wedding should be about the bride and groom, not about the guests. In years past (thats back in Grandmas day again), the dinners were not elaborate, the decorations were simple, and the most beautiful thing in the room was the bride, not the centerpiece. Ask most couples nowadays and they wont be able to tell you what they ate at their wedding (probably not much!). Ask most guests, and I bet they dont remember, either. A carefully planned wedding, where money is saved and carefully spent, doesnt have to feel cheap. Nor should you choose the cheapest rings. Instead, slow down, let time be on your side. Search for the best prices, watch for good sales for all parts of the wedding and reception, and remember that no one will care about what they eat. Your family and friends just want to support you, and will most likely only remember the radiant couple. Having stated that spending emphasizes priorities, one should not think that a person (or couple) who wishes to spend wisely doesnt value one another. If you have the money saved to blow $40,000 on a wedding and feel like you should (though saving some for the future could be a better plan), if you have put away six months pay for the perfect ring already, then you dont need to skimp if you dont want to. But going into marriage by piling on debt especially with most people already carrying student loans, car payments, and credit card balances is a foolish decision. You dont want your wedding to be one cause of your divorce. |
