Xrytspet from Fanton in G10009845788899990766 dropped by with a friend. Xrytspet said, "This is Ezdolef from Lutcredra in G100469, one of the older galaxies and out of our neighborhood."? I was shoveling the snow from my driveway at the time. I looked up at Ezdolef from Lutcredra in G100469 and about jumped out of my skin. I said, "I can't believe it!"? Xrytspet said, "He does look like Phontos, the last Chican."? Of course, Phontos is Big Foot and Big Foot is on the verge of extinction. I said, "Look, Ezdolef, can Lutcredras and Chicans breed?"? Xrytspet jumped in, "They can breed all they want if you mean copulate."? I said, "Xrytspet, stay out of this. This could be very important."? Ezdolef looked at me and said, "I know what you want but although we look similar, we are not similar biologically. No offspring would come from the union of a Chican and a Lutcredra."? I was very disappointed. I looked down at the snow and resumed shoveling. Ezdolef blew on my driveway. The snow melted away instantly. He said, "I see you are disappointed. I could whip up a female Chican if you like. But how would you get her to Phontos?"? I said, "How would you ever do that? How long would it take?"? He said, "I can put an order in to Lutcredra in G100469. Let's see, we could have her back here in" ?" Xrytspet broke out laughing. "Back where, Ezdolef?"? Ezdolef seemed to be embarrassed. He said, "Sorry to give you false hopes, Taylor Jones, the hack writer. I wasn't thinking. This planet will have been sucked up in a supernova by the time my message would even get to Lutcredra in G100469."? I said, "You made the snow disappear, Ezdolef."? "Yes, but that was trivial. It's harder to make a female Chican. I don't have what I need. If I could get some of Phontos' DNA, we might be able to pull a genetic switcheroo and create a female of that species. I'd have to think about it. I thought about it. Yes we can do it. Go get the DNA, Taylor Jones, the hack writer."? Xrytspet dropped me off on a small island in the Florida Everglades. Soon Phontos passed by chasing an airboat, scaring the hazelnuts out of a tourist sitting next to the driver. Phontos returned to the island. We watched the airboat until it disappeared over the horizon. The noise was gone and we could talk. Phontos said, "That gets them every time and I get a bundle of bananas from Clyde."? I said, "I guess Clyde owns the airboat and you've cut a deal with him. You scare the pants off the tourist and he gives you bananas. Don't you think he is taking advantage of you? He's probably making a bundle selling that ride with the possibility of seeing the Swam Ape."? Phontos said, "Well, it gives me something to do and I love bananas. What would I do with money anyway, buy a yacht and sail to Fiji?"? "That's one possibility,"? I said. Big Foot thought it over and said, "Nah! Maybe in a couple of years. Why are you here, Taylor Jones, the hack writer?"? "I've come to get a sample of your DNA. I've got some good news for you."? Phontos said, "Forget it Taylor Jones, the hack writer. Xrytspet came around with that phony, Ezdolef, didn't she?"? I could not tell a lie. I said, "Yes."? "Ezdolef creates creatures in his laboratory near Newark and sells them as sideshow freaks. "What did he tell you, that he was going to make me a mate? "I can't imagine what Xrytspet's commission would be on that."? There was nothing to do until Xrytspet returned to pick me up. I sat a new record for me. I ate 17 bananas. |
